Black. Ratchet. Free

Full Disclaimer: This piece will likely piss you off.

Memorial Day weekend is upon us. No only does it include the day in which we honor those that have ascended (I rather use this term that “died”) but also the unofficial kick-off to summer activities. The summer activities that I speak off include family cookouts, rooftop parties, all-white affairs and day parties. I myself am taking part in a day party on this celebratory weekend. However, on my daily 3-mile run around downtown Oklahoma City, Oklahoma I realized that I didn’t really desire for anyone to know that I was going. This insight, made me feel confined and caged.

What the hell is my problem?! This is 2018 and I am trippin’ (yes, trippin”) over the possibility that thousands of people will see that I am going to an event on Facebook! Why? Well, it may have to do with Black respectability politics. In case you have never heard of this notion author and professor Evelyn Brooks Higginbotham articulated the meaning in her 1993 book Righteous Discontent: The Women’s Movement in the Black Baptist Church, 1880–1920. She defines it as what happens when minority and/or marginalized groups are told (or teach themselves) that in order to receive better treatment from the group in power, they must behave better. I won’t treat this like a collegiate paper and go deeper into how slavery had a significant role to play with what is “proper”. However, I do remember growing up the eldest of five children and having a responsibility of “not looking crazy in front of these white people”. What this meant is that everything about who we were was subject to the over-existent white gaze. This gaze was something that you didn’t seek. However, when the gaze had come upon you, it was the look of approval that made the weight of the gaze bearable.

Let’s recap. I don’t feel comfortable letting people know that I am attending an event due to the feeling that other Black people would deem me “lower than” because there will be an auditory menagerie of trap, hip hop and house music which really means that I’ll be “throwing my ass in a circle” while drinking a Moscato with an order of chicken wings at a table nearby.

But you know what I’m finally realizing?

WHO THE HELL CARES?!

Recently the world found out the Janelle Monae identifies as being queer, as I do. In the days that followed the initial “news” I came across a quote from her which states, “Being a queer Black woman in America…someone who has been in relationships with both men and women — I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker.” Ladies and gentleman. Brothers and sisters. I desire to be a free-ass motherfucker! As I am typing this out I can literally feel the possibility of not only the white gaze but that of the Black gaze as well. In this regard it is time that I take my own advice and remember that I am not a tree which means I have the power to move. Please know that you as well have the ovarian audacity and testicular fortitude to move as well. The action that I choose to take is to be blind the gaze. I am not stating that I will block my vision but rather divert it to what makes my belly grin and big toe scream. Yes, that means that I, Asa Leveaux, a queer man from Oklahoma gets to be an author, entrepreneur, writer and father all while singing “GO BEST FRIEND!” to the top of my vocal capacity with a drink in my hand while smells of Afrikan oils and sliders fill the air and give me life. Yes, I choose to be free!

But, am I really going to say that I’m going?

To learn more about Asa Leveaux please visit www.asaleveaux.com.

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