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Cut off Toxic family members!

The point of this blog, is to release my hurt and show others going through similar situation they are not alone.

Sorry if its negative, all over the place and not clear to understand. Bare with me, i’m the furthest thing from perfect!

I just wanted to share this.

Little background info on my personal experience with toxic family.

With my Dad, it was very clear that he was toxic, I will probably write more on other blogs in the future. Although I was brainwashed to think that I should forgive him, but after all these years, he still did not acknowledge the damage he caused.

With my mum I forgave her for not helping me out of the abuse. When she became divorced from my dad, we had a good relationship and we learned to accept each other or so I thought…

it changed when I got kicked out of uni accommodation for smoking hella weed. I was meant to move to another place but since I wanted to be closer to my family and thought my mum could use the extra money, I decided to move in with her.

Just 2 months before my dissertation and 2 other reports was due.

This virus had lasting affects on a lot of people and families around the world . My mum became extremely OCD, Angry, and much more stressed.

On my side, I found out I was pregnant with a boy I had very deep feelings for, and I really wanted to keep the baby then but he was like “its defiantly not happening”.

I was also struggling with depression from PTSD, and I had to quit my Job cos I couldn't cope however I was taking medication and was doing so much better until all of this..

plus I was addicted to weed and had 3 reports I had to write, with a recent move, and Library's and Uni completely shut and my mum just shouting in my face because she thought to survive corona we had to be cleaning all the time.

firstly I went uni just to make my mum proud. 4 years of studying, debt and literally nothing at the end. I wanted to be an entrepreneur but she doubted me and made me go into uni. So I really was stressed when she wasn't supporting me, infact, making it impossible to finish the year.

bare in mind, I was also paying for rent etc to be living in a NIGHTMARE

She tried kicking me out in the middle of the pandemic, saying I can use the baby, which the father didn't want.

Anyways I had an emotional meltdown, and I told her that I need her help and support. I cried and cried

The whole time she carried on shouting angrily.

im an adult and even if i wasn't the ONLY reason I opened up to her is cos I felt so alone and so shattered

ive never ever ever asked my mum for help, ever.

I always tried to be strong, as shes a single mum and all that

anyways I ended up blurting the things I was upset about, including that I was raped 5 years ago and that it still really affects me .

she carried on shouting and telling me that I should report it etc, still angry

That broke me.

and something switched, when I left to go to my room after letting out something I was hiding, cos I thought I was protecting her, from devastation and more stress.

I expected her to care, but I was disappointed

The whole 5 years, I longed for my mother to be there for me , cos somehow I thought she would make things better, magically

but I was wrong again.

and till this day, she doesn't fully understand what was wrong with her behavior.

With my dad and my mum I gave so many chances.

So now its Just me,

I love my Little sisters unconditionally

but my mum and Dad, can rot in their toxic nonsense.

I still struggle with insecurity, loneliness, suicidal thoughts daily.

I never knew how important I was because I was facing so much rejection and abuse, and I still have to constantly tell myself I am important and it feels like im lying all the time.

but at least now, I am more self aware to see how damaging my parents had been and to see that I deserve better and that at least I should be peaceful and Blissful.

So if your parents or any family member is affecting your mental health, growth, hating on you or putting you in dangerous, harmful situations.

or if you simply dont agree. You can say No, and set boundaries, and you can choose to not let them do wrong to you.

Yes they gave Life to me, But I didn't choose or ask to born, and secondly I don’t want a miserable life.

:)

Stay strong, and I have much more positive content coming

yours truly,

Bliss x

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