Win Too Wednesday

Our autism journey

What a beautiful mess running two blocks is. And then I came home, and cried. And cried some more. I got Owen to the bus stop, and we talked. How do you fall more in love with a child that you are so in love with, but I did. I keep thinking about that very second my heart burst with joy. He had one hand over one ear, and the other positioned to move back over the other ear. I was leaning down to him, so we were eye level, saying what his schedule was like for the day, and asking him questions. He looks me straight in the eyes, reaching out with both hands, and says, “ride a bus dude”; back to covering one ear. I told him that he was amazing, and how proud I was of all that he has accomplished. He got on the bus, I held up my hand, signing “I love you”, and off they went. I stood there for a minute, stretching, telling myself that I could do the two blocks, and then off I went. The first block was easy, and when I say easy I mean, like I made it. The second block, well I made that one too. It wasn’t as pretty as the first block, but if you saw the first block you would say it wasn’t pretty either. But I feel very accomplished, very. My body has that feeling of contentment. My right side feels alive. And tomorrow I’m going to do three blocks. My son, my amazing, beautiful, delightful son yells at me, a lot. His anxiety shows through in a lot of our moments. When I walk into another room, if I turn a light on that shouldn’t be on, or if I don’t close the bathroom door correctly, or if I pick up something that shouldn’t be picked up, he screams. I never imagined the emotions I would have, and how it would effect me. But here I sit knowing that taking care of me is taking care of him. It’s all emotional, every bit of it to me. My expectations, and my reality are different; that’s called life, I suppose. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. I’ve been trying to do more things with, and for Owen, but I promised myself I would start doing more things for me. So today I ran. We all have a success story, and every day we can add to it. Take one moment to yourself, breathe, and know that you are amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!

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