A Love Poem for Haven

Becoming a mother.

you crept onto the scene with unshakeable determination
quietly embedding your soul into the soft flesh of my center
burrowing deep into the shelter of my being
and then you began to grow

making yourself welcome in the trepidations and
confusion of my new relationship
unraveling the fabric of my spirit
destroying my fragile sense of self

wreaking havoc on my body in an explosion
of hormones and nausea
designed to shatter any illusion of control
announcing to my surrendering cells you were here,
and you were staying

and I cried
and I raged
and I fought against the reality of never ending responsibility -
the loss of my inspired vision of freedom and adventure -
for my quickly disappearing youth
I fell into the anguish of leaving my old life behind
found myself wandering through a dense forest
of overgrown vines and uprooted trees,
searching for any path at all familiar to my dissolving self

but, eventually, I was able to take a breath
and I began to delight in the tiny ripples of your movements
thoughts of your small body nestled against mine
visions of stunning blue eyes watching me in innocent wonder small,
soft hands digging next to mine in the dirt of the garden.
My body grew and I felt the earth pull me closer in her embrace,
we were growing together,
breathing together,
you and I

But then suddenly, forcefully,
you were ready to join the rest of the world
and again I cried, and I raged, and I screamed
feeling close to death yet not caring if it came
thrown into the gripping spasms of unendurable pain

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